Aster's Ledger

Summary

The party walked into Thundertree's tower expecting to parley with the resident dragon and very nearly walked out as his enslaved construction crew — until Beatrix turned a doomed negotiation into a telenovela. She seduced Venomfang, brokered the four card-playing cultists into slavery in the party's place, and lured the druid Reidoth into the tower as the dragon's promised kill, buying them the location of Cragmaw Castle. The session closed with Reidoth inside the trap, Venomfang due back next session, and Beatrix newly and dangerously smitten: "I lost my wisdom saving throw. I can't stop, and I won't stop."

Key Events

The Statue of Barack Obama

• The mystery statue — Beatrix's history check and John's both failed, so the party "conclusively" identified the weathered warrior as "Barack Obama, the ancient eldritch god." Shoomit's religion check "confirmed" it: worshipers await "reasonable public-private partnership solutions" and dream-time advice, and Beatrix connected him to the creepy new monolith in Neverwinter.
• Language barrier — Nobody spoke Draconic. Beatrix offered Deep Speech — "I just learned it from reading shit on old ruins" — and Shoomit knew sign language and Undercommon, neither of which helped.
• Dragon lore — Shoomit's check: green dragons breathe poison, lair in forests, are vain, manipulative, and deceitful, immune to poison, and love treasure, secrets, and tribute. "I don't wanna profile any dragons or anything... He's gonna try and reverse trick us."
• Approach the tower — John insisted they meet the dragon at its door "like a normal person." They passed two dead giant spiders, "puckered and blistered," mauled by something even bigger; Beatrix's nature check was inconclusive and she blamed a lack of coffee.
• The serenade — John played a guitar tune (advantage from the instrument's magic) and sang an ode to dragons; the only response was a friendly-sounding voice in Draconic, so John shouted a beseechment in Common. The door flew open.
• "Ladies first!" — Beatrix entered first, and the party riffed on the honeymoon suite (John as the dragon's bride). Beatrix opened the wrong door and got screamed at in Draconic; she slammed it. "We are directionally challenged, sorry."
• Don't send Bone — Beatrix wanted her bat to scout from above; Shoomit warned a startled dragon would ash it. "Well, he did just die yesterday... he got shot yesterday." John: "Let it die. Let it shrivel up and die." Bone stayed home.

Audience with Venomfang

• First contact — John spotted the green dragon perched 40 feet up on the broken roof and dropped to one knee. The dragon's pupils widened and narrowed as it regarded them. Beatrix considered Speak with Animals, but the DM ruled dragons are not beasts — she dropped it.
• Flattery opens the door — "I can smell your dominant odors from the other room," Beatrix purred. The dragon switched to Common: "I did not realize I was not speaking with illuminated folk." "We are quite dull," said John. "I'm an archaeologist," said Beatrix.
• Three gifts — "You've come here to die? For what sin?" — "We came to give you three gifts." Beatrix poured on the flattery — "your magnanimous and magnificent nature seems to overshadow the shabby surroundings of this village" — but the dragon was unimpressed: "That is the reason why one has slaves... my newest slaves have arrived just today."
• The deception — John claimed they'd come chasing treasure and dragon-fans rushed right over, with help from Beatrix and a luck point. The dragon's response: they could serve by rebuilding his tower into its former glory.
• "The current offer is I don't kill you" — Beatrix argued that "anticipation builds and produces a more climactic result"; the dragon countered that the three gifts needed to be produced now. Shoomit admitted they only had one with them.
• The amethysts — John presented the basket — "from across the Azure Sea, as far as I can recollect." "I do like amethyst — they match my colors quite nicely." John then invented an amulet that would "cause your scales to glisten and glean... increase your virility" and a mystery "surprise" as the third gift.
• Hot Dragon Mama — The dragon refused to let all of them go fetch it, so John offered himself as entertainment and performed "Hot Dragon Mama" — a 22. "It reminds me of my own mother." The dragon enjoyed it too much to set him free.
• The whisper huddle — The dragon allowed exactly one of them to leave. The party deliberated in whispers: Beatrix revealed her entangle could ground the dragon, and the dynamite came up ("Put the dynamite in his pussy"). John: "Goddamn, Beatrix." They chose Beatrix.
• The kiss — Beatrix offered a gift up close, climbed the spiraling stairs through the acrid dragon aura, kissed his cheek, and tried to walk off. He grabbed her, telenovela-style — "That was not what I expected." "That was a fine gift, Beatrix."
• The slave-driver interview — "Miss Marsh to my employees." The dragon offered her the "main slave driver" position; her deception (a luck point that botched into disadvantage, net 14) failed — "I don't know if you're the right person for the position." Beatrix fake-cried; the dragon sent her to fetch the remaining gifts — "and leave that bird of yours behind."
• The climb — With her climbing speed, guidance, and inspiration, Beatrix scaled the tower and hung by her fingers just below the lip, listening to everything.

The Dragon's New Crew

• Gemologist on deck — Shoomit boasted he could identify any gem by sight. The dragon tossed one down; Shoomit identified it as fake colored glass. "I believe it was that one [who sold it to me]," the dragon said, gesturing at a corpse below.
• Whip it — Impressed, the dragon gave Shoomit the slave-driver job and tossed him a whip ("I'm like the Duke"). He asked to try it on Glomblax; Glomblax's "I would mind very much" was overruled, and Shoomit's attempt to whip the ground at his feet "barely missed" — six slashing damage. "You gotta commit to the bit, Glomblax."
• Hard labor — Glomblax was assigned bricklaying and "shit housing"; "This isn't a choice." He grumbled, cleaned debris, got "What? No breaks!" from Shoomit, and John played a work song.
• Rejected — John made his move: "When was the last time you had any sort of close intimate contact with someone?" — "I'm not particularly fond of humans." John: "It's because I'm black, isn't it?" Later, to the party: "This racist homophobic dragon won't let me bang him."
• The task — The dragon wanted the strangers in the cottage lured in under false pretenses — "I don't like intruders in my town" — and revealed a druid had been warning travelers off: "We must dominate nature." He wanted her body. John bargained: handle the druid, replace themselves with the cultists, and get the location of Cragmaw Castle.

Beatrix's Gambit

• "Yoo-hoo" — Beatrix popped up over the ledge. "How did you get up here?" — "Oh, I just climbed up. I thought that'd be easiest." — "You mock me?" Her deception was a 4, but the dragon's insight somehow came out worse. He took the amulet, and her "Will you fly me down, handsome?" rolled a net 20 — he carried her down and dropped her with the party.
• The new plan — John spelled it out: "He is not into humans... you might have to be the one to do this shit." Beatrix took the dynamite. The dragon sent Shoomit and Glomblax to fetch the cultists, kept John for entertainment, and clarified that his "slavery" paid in scrip usable only at his own store — "This is just like grad school."
• Insight divergence — Shoomit's insight said the dragon was completely sincere; John burned inspiration and came back the other way — "something doesn't seem right about the way that he said it" regarding Cragmaw.
• The dirty talk — Beatrix climbed the stairs, unbuttoned her shirt, and whispered the filthiest talk of her life (persuasion with her last luck point and John's gifted inspiration). "He was going soft, and then he got hard again. Beatrix, that is a wonderful proposal you have." She looked back at the party and made the throat-slash sign: new plan. She and Shoomit signed (both know sign language): find out what he knows about Cragmaw, then peace out.
• The levitating guitar — John was politely sent to the cottage to play a nice melody; his guitar started playing and levitating on its own as he left.

The Twig Blight Ambush

• Ambush — En route to the cultists' cottage (Shoomit's motorcycle with sidecar / Glomblax's 2001 Honda Civic — table canon), twig blights and needle blights burst out of the woods; initiative.
• The brawl — Glomblax war-cried and charged, missed his first swing, and took claw after claw; Shoomit did the hide-and-shoot loop with musket and sneak attacks, blasting blights apart.
• Cleave confirmed — Glomblax raged, went reckless, took a 9-damage kill, and confirmed his greataxe has the Cleave mastery. Both emerged bloodied — Glomblax from claws, Shoomit from needles — but the last twig blight died. "The goddamn trees."

Recruiting the Cultists

• Mid-dragon-coitus excuse — John heard the gunfire and slipped out — "gotta pee after dragon coitus" — to find them: "Hey guys, what the fuck went down?" — "The trees are speaking Vietnamese."
• The card game — At the cottage, Favric, Lisse, Grist, and Therryn were mid-argument over Arcanum the Assembly; Favric: "I have a strategic mind. There are thousands of possibilities going through my head at any given time."
• The pitch — John knocked and sold it: "The dragon loved your gift. He wants to meet you guys in person to give you a boon." Favric, sweaty and unbathed, interrogated them on the dragon's luminescence: "1,100 lumens." — "I expected him to be a little bit brighter." — "In direct sunlight, he'd look more shimmering."
• House-elves — Persuasion landed, and the cultists eagerly followed. "What's the morality of selling dinks into slavery?" rationalized away: "They wanna be in servitude to the dragon... they want this."

The Deal Sealed

• Bow — Back at the tower, Beatrix — reclined in the dragon's bed under a sheep hide — commanded: "Bow. Beatrix commands. Bow." and "Lick the dirt. It's the only way to show your allegiance."
• Charm — Favric began speaking fluent Draconic (table joke: he was trying to fuck the dragon too — too late). Beatrix cast charm person; Favric failed, and the dragon, stroking her hair, declared: "I found a better offer."
• The whip — Venomfang declared the cultists his slaves — stonemasonry and hard labor, no card games. Favric protested: "I am an enlightened individual. I am not here for manual labor." On the dragon's gesture, Shoomit whipped Therryn for 5 damage; his "warning shot" at Favric missed.
• Arcanum the Assembly — "There will be no Arcanum the Assembly in my dungeon." The dragon revealed he had invented Arcanum the Assembly — and opened a chest of its rarest cards. "Is that an alpha black blossom?" (Table lost it.)
• The performance — Venomfang winked at Beatrix, launched into the air, and screeched — "How dare you drive off a dragon from his lair!" — then: "Fine. I will leave. Just don't kill me, please. You are too powerful." And he flew away, leaving everyone stunned.

Aftermath and Reidoth

• Post-coital clarity — "It almost killed me... it was the best fuck of my entire life. I'm obsessed." Shoomit: "Canonically, it was mediocre based on the rolls." (The DM confirmed: best in a long time for both, objectively mediocre.) Glomblax pleaded, "Please do not get dragon-dignitized." Beatrix: "It's too late. I'm sucked in. I lost my wisdom saving throw. I can't stop, and I won't stop."
• Wounds and gossip — John heard "the ripping of flesh"; Glomblax declared Beatrix had been "split in twain" by "that dragon hog"; Shoomit mourned that she never came to his hot yoga classes.
• Shoomit holds the fort — Shoomit stayed behind to keep the new slaves in line and took a short rest. Favric suggested they could just kill him now; Shoomit: "When the dragon returns, he would murder all of you instantly." Before leaving, Beatrix intimidated Favric (with John's help): "I will make you wish that you were dead... you're a pathetic virgin, and I'm not. And that's why I need this so fucking bad."
• Reidoth — The party (minus Shoomit) went to the druid's cottage. She was impressed — "I did see that was impressive work" — and noted they looked "sufficiently damaged, poisoned, and somewhat bludgeoned." Beatrix: "I'm hobbled."
• The map — Reidoth marked Cragmaw Castle on their map — about 14 miles away, heavily fortified, full of dangerous creatures. She knew nothing of the Spider — "I don't get involved in politics."
• The lure — Beatrix invited her to check out the tower — "lots of cool stuff in there, dragon loot and whatnot" — persuasion 18 with John's help. "I am always interested in these places. Let's go." Reidoth walked into the trap.
• Cliffhanger — Reidoth is inside the tower cottage, unsuspecting; Venomfang is due back next session to collect his prey.

Table Notes

• Meta canon — Shoomit declared the backstory banter "all canon, by the way, Sister", the table ribbed Aster, and a doomed "pee pee poo poo only" lobotomy attempt was made.
• DM post-mortem — The book assumes the party simply fights the dragon; Sam's improvisation turned a likely TPK into a game-changing alliance. The DM awarded inspiration to Sam.
• Feedback — Requested: "More descriptive dragon anus, please" / "I wanted more descriptions of dragon cocks." DM: "Okay, I'll work on that." Beatrix's player: "I love this for Beatrix... my boyfriend is gonna beat you up" (re: Edvard).

Numbers & Resources

Party funds & deals

• Three gifts promised to Venomfang: the basket of amethysts (delivered), the "virility" amulet (delivered), and the mystery "surprise" (never delivered).
• Deal with Venomfang: the four cultists (Favric, Lisse, Grist, Therryn) replace the party as his slaves — accomplished — plus the death of Reidoth (the party to bring him the body) — still pending. In exchange: the party's freedom, plus Venomfang's aid in seizing Cragmaw Castle as a new lair.
• Reidoth fulfilled her end of the earlier bargain: Cragmaw Castle's location, roughly 14 miles from Thundertree, marked on the party's map. No coin changed hands this session.

Combat resources spent

• Beatrix: 2 luck points, her inspiration (the climb/stealth), one wild shape (advantage on the performance/constitution/acrobatics checks), and a 1st-level charm person (DC 14, Favric failed). Took 14 damage — 6 bludgeoning + 6 poison from dragon congress, 2 poison from his dragon-breath-ignited "cigarette" — and ended the session bloodied.
• John: used a luck point (deception vs. the dragon), his inspiration (insight), and gave his inspiration to Beatrix for the dirty talk.
• Glomblax: used one rage and multiple reckless attacks; confirmed his greataxe has the Cleave mastery. Took Shoomit's 6-damage whip plus repeated claw hits (mostly halved by rage); ended bloodied.
• Shoomit: took roughly 25 damage from blight needles and claws; ended bloodied. Killed 4+ blights with musket and sneak attack. Short-rested at the tower afterward.
• Therryn: whipped by Shoomit for 5 damage (bloodied) on Venomfang's orders.

Gear notes

• Shoomit acquired a normal whip from Venomfang's hoard (the DM briefly teased a "+1 whip" before importing a regular one).
• John's magical guitar continues to grant advantage on performance checks and was shown playing and levitating on its own.

Loose Threads

• Reidoth is inside the tower with the party, unsuspecting; Venomfang is expected back next session to kill her. The party agreed to bring him her body.
• The four cultists (Favric, Lisse, Grist, Therryn) are now Venomfang's slaves at the tower, under Shoomit's supervision; Favric was left charmed and thoroughly intimidated.
• Cragmaw Castle — the party now knows its location: ~14 miles from Thundertree, heavily fortified, full of dangerous creatures and goblins. Beatrix and Venomfang are scheming to clear it out as their new lair (complete with "bay windows" and a fly-out turret).
• Beatrix's vampire problem — Venomfang knows Edvard has been casting spells on her and offered to help; Beatrix gloated that "my boyfriend" would beat him up.
• The Spider — Beatrix ranted to Venomfang that the Spider has been sending her threatening letters and is hiding out at Cragmaw; the party still doesn't know who the Spider is.
• The dragon's odd claim — Venomfang, when asked directly, said he "couldn't really tell" them where Cragmaw Castle is; John's insight flagged that answer as off.